It’s Always Now

Finally! A watch that always tells the correct time.

Be it ever so humble there’s no place like Now. In fact, it’s the only place there is. Time wise you can’t be any other place else. Forget Greenwich Mean Time or Daylight Savings Time or even Hammer Time. There is only one time you can actually be at and that time is Now. Of course there’s a future known as “Soon” and a past known as “Then”, but you can only refer to those times. You can’t actually be there because of the inescapability of Now. Now is everywhere, forever yoking us to its immediacy. It never stops. Now is both obsolete and reborn every instant. It repopulates as soon as it’s able to like fruit flies or Mormons.

Now is what happens when God decides eternity must morph into something more manageable, so our little earthly drama can be measured in intervals called lifetimes. And aren’t you glad we all eventually exit stage left?  Otherwise Charlie Chaplain would still be the “Little Tramp” with a Hitler moustache and William Shakespeare would still be writing plays students only understood through Cliff Notes. Enough already. We appreciate people all the more because we know their time is limited here. In fact certain people we wish their time was even more limited – Pol Pot and Charlie Sheen come to mind. Our society needs renewal, which is just a euphemism for death.

I understand the flowing nature of time. But that omnipresent, in your face Now simply won’t relent. You can’t get off it and yet you never got on it. The persistence of Now. It’s been one of the few constants in my life. Foster children greatly appreciate Now’s utter dependability. They may not have a full time family and or proper shelter, but Now is something they can look to as an anchor point in their life.   

And although Now has absolutely no personality and is the very definition of “too big to fail,” it has been the longest running feature length show on earth. Perhaps you’ve seen its advertisement:


Heavenly Productions Inc. in association with Bang the Drum Slowly LLC

Present a Ron Howard Film


Starring: NOW

Co-starring: The Past… Then – the nostalgic possessor of everything you thought was cool

                     The Future… Soon – the anticipatory moment we both fear and love

With appearances by:  The Paleozoic Era – if you like trilobites, man have we got an Era for you.

                                      Autumn – feel the powerful color of natural decay

                                      Puberty – it drives 50% of the action and makes you wash your sheets more   often than you planned on

Original Screenplay Written by: God and based on his idea that if man always lived in eternity, he’d just sit there waiting for Costco to open

Intelligently Designed by: No One. (Although try telling that to the Assistant Director who wants total credit for scouting some of the location shots)

In theaters Now. Come enjoy the 3-D experience (no glasses required).

Show times: Now, Whenever and Always.

Review: – NOW has a steady flow of presence. I got totally lost in it and was really in the moment – like it was happening to me right Now. I mean when I left the theater I felt as if I’d been there for only a few minutes, but I was told by management I’d been in there for almost 80 years. Life is like that. So is Now. Spoiler Alert: And even when it was supposedly over I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was still experiencing NOW. On the downside, I was unable to determine when Now actually started or when it stopped. It was riveting, but had no discernible plot. That little rascal Puberty steals all the scenes.  I’manxious to see what Puberty does when it’s all grown up.  ~ Earthling Quarterly


Tide and Time Stop for No Man. Although out of Respect, it Occasionally Slows Down for a Veteran

I won’t even bother to ask you if you’re with me on this whole concept of Now. You are. You have to be because you’re subject to the same “immersed in the moment” paradigm I am. We’re truly all on this timeline together. There’s no opt in or opt out feature. Many people may prefer to live in the past, but you can’t. In the words of Ram Dass you must, “Be Here Now.” The laws of physics dictate we are all synced to this moment. This one. Not the one several seconds ago where I babbled about God creating time so we humans would know when to enter and exit the stage of our little theater. I mean if we were all on stage at once there’d be no one in the audience.

A Millipoint

Remember earlier when I wrote about God creating time? That was so Then, and this is so Now. Now baby, now. Now’s rolling wave of immediacy demands our attention and we can’t help but lend perfect credence to its methodical precision (Yes I just wrote that). We must abide by its construct. In our Capitalist society, we promote healthy competition and individual rights. Well what competes with Now for the present? By what right does Now have a monopoly on immediacy? I know I didn’t grant it. What about my right not to be here in this moment? What if I wanted to live 15 minutes in the future so I was never late for appointments? Or what if I wanted to live in the past so I could watch the Beatles invasion in real time? No, we complain about expiration dates on Advil, but we accept our straitened circumstances when it comes to Now. We have to. We are all given a life sentence of Now. Unless of course you believe in reincarnation, then Now is served in consecutive life sentences.

Just a Few More Topics and then You’re Free to Go to Costco

And don’t get me started on eternity. Y’all know what eternity is? That’s what happens when time is exposed as the ruse it is and there you are with no past or future just the eternity of the present. We get glimpses of this at the DMV. I’m told the upside of eternity is that once you achieve orgasm it never stops and you just learn to live with it, so everyone you meet is in a really good mood.

Life can be Vexing at Times – Especially the Way I Write About it.

Now and then, the here and Now are so where it’s at (getting a massage, finding money and things involving soapy clean up come to mind). Other times the here and Now are to be avoided like when the Captain announces, “We seem to be short a few life boats.” Still and all I do believe that just like a Ponzi Scheme, time is also a ruse.  Einstein said as much. He proved time’s malleability. Something I can’t do in the time and space allotted. Truth be told, even if I did have limitless time and space, I still couldn’t explain it.

Suffice to say dear reader you and I always share one thing; and that is the immediacy of Now. Now is what’s happening when you read this. So even though I wrote this Then, you’re experiencing it Now. After I’ve written this, but before you’ve read it, it becomes Then to me but Soon to you. I mean even though it seems like I’m writing this Now, I’m not. I already wrote it. It’s just new to you so it seems like Now. Of course if you never read it, it becomes Moot. I know you will understand this Soon.

I’m aware of your presence as I write this and you can feel my commitment as you read it. I’m right here with you. You’re now part of the story, but will receive no residual. Weird? Hardly. When I wrote this (then), I could absolutely feel your presence (above the waist). But Now (in my current life) I’m doing something completely different while you’re currently experiencing this story and thus I’m literally in 2 places at once – you sense me in this story, but I’m actually doing something else.

And the same holds true for you. While I’m actually writing this at this moment, you’re probably at Costco or something. And now you’re wondering, “WTF is this?” while you’re actually reading this. I can sense you both Now and in the future and likewise you can feel me both Now and in the past. Holy Sh*t batman! This is freaky. And to think this is all without the benefit of drugs. No really. Just some vitamins from New Zealand.

I Promise Just 3 More Paragraphs

What about when you’re through reading this? Is it over. No it’s just not Now. Now will simply have become Then and Soon will have become Now. If all you ever have is Now, nothing is ever over. It’s just not Now. Wanting to get back to Then then, is seen as an antidote to the anxiety of Soon. But who’s the fool here? Me for creating this moment or you for thinking you’re experiencing this Now when really I wrote this 2 months ago? I’m convinced the answer lies somewhere in one of those 2000 calorie “Bloomin’ Onions” served at Outback Steakhouse.  

What I did 7 Days Ago is Like So Last Week

And don’t think I’ll let gravity skate by. Gravity – that oppressive tyrant and foe of facial muscles. Do I hold gravity down? No. But does it oppress me? Yes. We complain about the pressures of life, but gravity is the real enemy here. Damn despotic primeval force. There’s no reasoning with it. It won’t argue back. It doesn’t have to: “I’m one of the four fundamental forces of the universe. You can always count on me to keep you down.”

Hey thanks for the oppression *sshole. Do you always have to be so perfect and relentless in your operation? Jesus you’re like FedEx. Don’t get me wrong. I’m cool with Electromagnetism and everything. Who doesn’t like things that vibrate?

And that my friends, is the true meaning of Christmas.

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