1. Most popular machine at health clubs: The time machine. It takes years off your waist.
2. A wage slave living from Pay Day Loan to Pay Day Loan says they have, “Great interest in him.”
3. Prosthesis Magazine article: Amputee Plans Afoot
4. Uncreative designer is said to be “Staid of the Art”
5. Harvard History Department wants to “Have archaic and eat it too”
6. That restaurant is a tough place. The coat check girl’s name is Bruno.
7. Unruly lawn brought to Madame Wong’s Tips & Toes for tidying. It’s now a beautifully manicured lawn.
8. Pamplona, Spain is now sponsoring the Running of the Mascara. It’s so sad.
9. He’s so semantically aware, he’s been cut by sharp cheddar, rapier wits and pointed arguments
10. Fear of driving through a passageway with coworkers is called Carpool Tunnel Syndrome
11. Overheard at a bowlers convention, “Yeah, I’m getting my ball drilled Tuesday.” “Interesting, that’s the same day I’m getting mine buffed.”
12. Have you seen any fascists rolling 5 dice? No. I did not see a Nazi playing Yahtzee.
13. My favorite fetishistic fantasization is polysyllabic alliteration
14. Mature landscaping growing weary of immature landscaping in nearby development: “Gees, it’s out all night and won’t leaf us alone. Especially that Fraxinus. It’s such a pain in the ash. Oh well, life’s a birch.”
15. Lament of the amnesiac whose PC won’t load any more software: “Now I remember. I forgot to buy memory.”
16. I bet my Personal Injury attorney can beat up your Personal Injury attorney

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