1. Siamese twins unable to comply with state’s social distancing order. They say the order is creating a lot of unnecessary division.
2. Headless horseman issued waiver to give rides says, “I’m just trying to stay a head of the game.”
3. State Wildlife Agency orders baby possums to be a little less clingy and follow the example of well-behaved baby ducks.
4. Predictably, half of schizophrenics are unable to comply with state’s social distancing order saying, “You know if it was up to me I would, but try telling that to me.”
5. Milton-Bradley to offer new socially distanced Twister played on a half-acre plastic mat.
6. State orders dragstrip closed. All races are now ZOOMing.
7. Survey shows prisoners in solitary confinement were never healthier, happier.
8. All 3-Legged races canceled unless all 3 legs belongs to one person.
9. Guru in India who’s been exhaling for nine months, an “inspiration” to many. A grateful nation says, “We’re all just holding our breath hoping he can continue.”
10. Man in iron lung is nicknamed Rusty. He’s not happy, but recognizes the iron-y.
11. Homemade cranberry sauce is not hard to make and a welcomed addition to any Thanksgiving feast. There is no kid’s table this year. Instead, everyone gets their own table. As a joke, when someone says, “Pass the rolls please,” tell them, “OK, I just had one, it will take me about 24 hours.” And finally, remember: As ye sow, social ye distance.