Rejected Monopoly Editions

  1. “I can’t come over tonight. I have mono, Polly.”

    Chernobyl Monopoly – Only board game that has a half-life. When parents got wind of this radioactive edition they had a meltdown.

  2. Titanic Monopoly – This version was a disaster. (Thanks for groaning)
  3. Beatles Monopoly – This one was actually Fab! So many great places to land on: Abbey Road, Penny Lane, Strawberry Fields. Favorite game piece? – You guessed it: the Yellow Submarine.
  4. Garden of Eden Monopoly – This version was tempting. Very, very tempting. In the end everyone is thrown out of the Garden just for having a little fun. It made no sense then. It makes no sense now.  
  5. BLM Monopoly – Not the BLM you think. This BLM (the Bureau of Land Management) thought it might be fun to supervise federal lands on a Monopoly board. Fail. It was a bored game.
  6. NRA Monopoly – Again, not what you think. The other NRA – the National Restaurant Association – created this game, but diners had their reservations about it.
  7. Native American Monopoly – People also had their reservations about this game too. Indian reservations. The Indian game pieces were outnumbered by the cavalry game pieces 4 to 1. Game always ends with the Indian pieces being forcibly moved to one little reservation between Indiana and Kentucky Avenues. This left nothing to Chance.
  8. Hurricanopoly – This version just blew. And blew and blew and blew.
  9. Hooveropoly – Unlike Hurricanopoly, this version sucked
  10. Napoleon Blownaparte – This is what happened when Napoleon sat on a bomb? (I know. Not a Monopoly game, but all Monopoly and no Napoleon makes David a dull boy…OK a duller boy)
  11. Bibleopoly – Just like the real Bible, the instructions are so domineering (Thou shalt not Pass Go, Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s thimble) that people didn’t like being told how to behave.
  12. Palindrome Monopoly – Too unstructured. Players could move forward or backwards. And of course everybody wanted to be the racecar because racecar spelled backwards is still racecar.
  13. Eastern Standard Time Monopoly – Creators of this version marketed it with the tagline: “Play Monopoly like it’s whatever time it is in New York City in winter.” Oooh, pinch me. A Greenwich Mean Time Version was no more exciting.
  14. Pornopoly – Why did the instructions say Pornopoly should only be played on Wednesdays?
  15. Polly-wanna-opoly – This game was for the birds.
  16. Homeopathy – Not a board game at all, but a natural healing method of caring for one’s self. And do take the time to care for yourself – everyone. Happy Thanksgiving.

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