1. 

   The National Holiday we don’t get a day of for (beautiful grammar there). 

   National Anthem sung by William Shatner

2. Halftime reenactment of Washington crossing the Delaware
3. Bring a smelt. Get a smelt. (Up to 5)
4. Knack tribute band performs “My Sharona”
5. Clothing Optional seating area
6. Larry Csonka moustache shave for charity
7. Goal Posts 3 feet wide
8. YouTube clip of Lucy lighting her nose on fire
9. Between 1^st and 2^nd quarter, fans to participate in 10-minute hymnal of “Bringing in the Sheaves”

HALFTIME

1. Helium rich environment so QB cadences sound like Mickey Mouse
2. Competitive Pork Rind (pigskin) eating contest
3. Smoking allowed for a change
4. Hologram of Pete Rozelle trying to pronounce name of Panthers RB Tshiminga Biakabutuka
5. Tom Cruise rappels down from scoreboard
6. Kim Kardashian’s Big Ass slide show
7. All private boxes open to the public
8. Pet friendly event
9. First 3000 fans get an above ground pool

Oh, I could go on and on. I already have.

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