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Books Titles Rejected by Publishers

  1. Ventriloquism for Dummies
  2. Gas Stations and Restaurants: Are They Both Filling Stations?
  3. “I’m Spending My Children’s Inheritance and They Don’t Even Know It.”
  4. The Creepy Widow Who Spends Way too Much Time with Her Dog
  5. Neanderthals in Our Midst: Dealing with People Who Say, “What I want to know is, why isn’t there a White History Month?”
  6. Betty White’s “Let’s Keep it Clean Seniors”: The Joy of Sponge Baths, The Sorrow of Walk-in Bathtubs

    Farmer Dave says, “Plow thru these titles.”
    Erudite Dave says, “Plough through these titles.”

  7. When I Pee Now, It Sounds Like Morse Code. Is that Bad? – Depends.
  8. Psychology Today’s “Anger Management.” (Chapters Include):
    1. This is bullsh*t! I only agreed to Binding Arbitration if they decided in my favor.
    2. I Love the Disabled, But 38 Empty Handicapped Parking Spaces Next to the Costco’s Entrance Isn’t Helping Anybody
    3. I Hate Myself and It’s Your Fault
  9. Marvel’s ElderHeroes: Tom Selleck and Joe Namath – Geriatric Overlords
  10. Trolling for Dates at Butcher Shops: Are they meat markets or meet markets? Do you want your beef tender or Tinder?
  11. Don’t Overthink It: When the alarm goes off, it’s just a morning wake-up call. Not a life-changing WAKE-UP call.
  12. Coping with Coping Saws
  13. I Just Know My Dog Thinks I’m Fat: What to do when Fido gets all judgey
  14. Model Homes Mischief. (Chapters include):
    1. Tour with a “partner” and become a member of the Walk-in Closet, Mile High Club.
    2. Unbolt the Master Bath Toilet Lid and Toss in a Couple of unwrapped Baby Ruths
    3. Tape a body outline on the laundry room linoleum floor. Add yellow “crime scene” tape and ketchup for a ghoulish flourish.
  15. Coming to Terms with the Q in LGBTQ. (Chapters include):
    1. What to do when your 8-year old son Lane says, “But dad, I like playing with dolls.”
    2. What to do when your 18-year old son Lane says, “But dad, these gender identity issues just won’t go away.”
    3. What to do when your 19-year old daughter Lanie says, “Hey dad, these gender identity issues have finally gone away.”
  16. Whirlpool’s How to Get Your Dishwasher Loaded. (Chapters include):
    1. Binge-washing with 90-proof Cascade
    2. Adding gin to the soap dispenser, vermouth to the rinse reservoir, and sticking a couple of olives on toothpicks in the silverware basket
  17. Inconvenient Truths: There is such a thing as “New Car Smell,” but there’s no such thing as “New Bus Smell.”
  18. People, It’s Time to Stop Grieving: The Beatles are not getting back together…At least not in this world
  19. Don’t Worry, It’s Just Peanut Butter.
  20. Is There Such Thing as New Train Smell? If Amtrak ever orders one, we may find out.
  21. Learning to Pass Time in Creative and Healthy Ways By Writing Lists of Rejected Books and Rambling On and On About How we’re All Absolutely Connected, But Just Don’t Realize It Right Now. Maybe Soon Though Because That’s the Way It Is. Peace and Love, Ringo

I can’t believe book #20 would be rejected. I’d read that. Sounds like a real page turner. BTW, my Literary Agent’s name is Paige Turner.

That is all.