Posts Tagged ‘euthanize’

The Topic is Dark, But in an Upbeat, Dark Chocolate Kinda Way

Reasons Why People Choose to be Euthanized

1. They now find that when one door closes, another 2 doors also close
2. Try as they might, whenever life gives them lemons, all they can make is urine
3. Nut milks not delivering on their promise
4. HHDS (Hogan’s Heroes Derangement Syndrome). Ever since Hogan’s Heroes was summarily cancelled (without explanation) in 1971, hundreds of post-adolescent men have suffered from this late onset syndrome. I know I do.

Reset: Reasons People Choose to be Euthanized

5. One of their personalities gets a Restraining Order on the other
6. Their self-driving car goes out on rides without them
7. They’re convinced those cyber bitches Alexa and Siri are scheming against them
8. No one is impressed any more by your “State Quarter” collection. And then you discover they weren’t impressed by it in the first place.
9. Toaster doesn’t care where you set the Darkness dial. It pops up after it thinks it’s done
10. You just spotted your so-called Psychiatrist washing dishes at the Waffle House
11. Every time you get to the front of the line, everyone turns 180° around and says, “Sorry Charlie, you’re at the back now?”
12. You can no longer find Rita Moreno’s 1980 Pepsodent commercial on YouTube
13. The endless frustration of being unable to turn raisins back into grapes
14. Did you know that Euthanasia outnumber youth in Europe?
15. Your self-deprecating humor now hitting too close to home
16. Your shadow is now acting independently of your movements
17. That Aha video “Take On Me” no longer brings you the joy it once did. In fact it’s scary as hell now.
18. Some people euthanize preemptively because they think they’ve learned all they can from this incarnation and just want to get on with the next one