The Topic is Dark, But in an Upbeat, Dark Chocolate Kinda Way
Reasons Why People Choose to be Euthanized
- They now find that when one door closes, another 2 doors also close
- Try as they might, whenever life gives them lemons, all they can make is urine
- Nut milks not delivering on their promise
- HHDS (Hogan’s Heroes Derangement Syndrome). Ever since Hogan’s Heroes was summarily cancelled (without explanation) in 1971, hundreds of post-adolescent men have suffered from this late onset syndrome. I know I do.
Reset: Reasons People Choose to be Euthanized
- One of their personalities gets a Restraining Order on the other
- Their self-driving car goes out on rides without them
- They’re convinced those cyber bitches Alexa and Siri are scheming against them
- No one is impressed any more by your “State Quarter” collection. And then you discover they weren’t impressed by it in the first place.
- Toaster doesn’t care where you set the Darkness dial. It pops up after it thinks it’s done
- You just spotted your so-called Psychiatrist washing dishes at the Waffle House
- Every time you get to the front of the line, everyone turns 180° around and says, “Sorry Charlie, you’re at the back now?”
- You can no longer find Rita Moreno’s 1980 Pepsodent commercial on YouTube
- The endless frustration of being unable to turn raisins back into grapes
- Did you know that Euthanasia outnumber youth in Europe?
- Your self-deprecating humor now hitting too close to home
- Your shadow is now acting independently of your movements
- That Aha video “Take On Me” no longer brings you the joy it once did. In fact it’s scary as hell now.
- Some people euthanize preemptively because they think they’ve learned all they can from this incarnation and just want to get on with the next one