- The truth I can handle. Your breath is another story.
- Houston, we have a polyp.
- Now do you understand why there’s a Sawzall on my nightstand?
- If they make Ferris Bueller’s Day Off 2 ” Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and do laundry once in a while, you could run out of pants.”
- Doggone it! If you can’t lend me a hand, then how about a paw?
- But I don’t need a third nostril.
- If they make The Wizard of Oz in Alaska: “There’s no place like Nome. There’s no place like Nome.”
- Now you’re telling me we’re out of toilet paper? It’s too late.
- You’re an *sshole because every time we talk you manage to work in the word “rawdogging.”
- Abner! Get away from that teat now. That milk is for baby ocelots, not for you.
- You had me at, “I’m a millionaire.”
- Marcel Tourette…The F-Bomber
- Picasso…Artie
- Jesus Christ…L’il Lord Jay-C
- Pope John Paul II…Ringo
- Prince…</}_{\>
- Joe Biden…Joe Biden
- Tuesday Weld…Ash Wednesday
- Rock Hudson…Gaylord
- Andy Warhol…Whitey (but only for 15 minutes)
- Queen Elizabeth II…Cuddles
- Calvin Lindbergh (Charles Lindbergh’s younger, less successful brother)…Unlucky Lindy
- Cherilyn Sarkisian…Cher (This is the only true nickname listed)
- Hitler…Herr Trigger
- Geronimo…Sitting Bull
- Sitting Bull…Geronimo