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Posts Tagged ‘half’

A List of Half-Baked Ideas Written By a Half-Wit, Making Them Only ¼ Ideas

  1. I’m just a humble narcissist suffering from false modesty
  2. Most appropriate song in the Ukraine: Crimea River
  3. Warning to Anna Phylactic: The enclosed Ideas were written on equipment used in processing tree nuts
  4. Henceforth all cities are forbidden to change their names. Listening Peking, Bombay, Kiev? Nobody needed to learn Beijing, Mumbai or Kyiv. Heck, I still call New York City, New Amsterdam. Sometimes I even refer to North America as Terra Incognita or simply the New World, but I’m an old soul. And you too P Diddy or whatever is the latest iteration of your name. You will always be Sean Combs. It’s bad enough your first name doesn’t have an “h” in it.

    I love my kitty. This picture has nothing to do with this list. I just love my kitty and I don’t care who knows.

  5. You’d think the UCS (Union of Concerned Scientists) would have greater interest in this list. They don’t. These so called “Concerned Scientists” could care less. Hypocritical bastards.
  6. If you don’t like this list, don’t humor me with that, “It’s not you, it’s the font” malarkey
  7. My dog thinks these ideas are too clever by arf.
  8. If when reading this list you experience dangerous waves of laughter, stop reading and dial 911…and please listen carefully because some of their menu options have changed
  9. #9 removed by the Union of Concerned Scientist because they were concerned it was “too funny” and would lead to #8. Oh sure, I’m at my funniest and suddenly they’re all concerned.
  10. #10 removed by the humanitarian organization Doctors Without Bladders. Well they can piss off.
  11. My yogurt has had its acidophilus and bulgaricus culture removed by woke vegans. Just another example of cancel culture.
  12. The Cyrillic Alphabet is hard enough, but the symbols ¥ĭŋŧŧƌƣǣȝȾɏɖɖ will lead you to Rune
  13. What makes us human? Well we’re the only species to look at our Q-Tips or Kleenex after we’ve used them
  14. I’m more aware of your pancreas than you think
  15. When is it appropriate to donate something to Goodwill? For example, I have things hanging in my closet I haven’t worn in over a year: a really ugly vest and a couple of raccoons I found guilty of treason. Do I just give them away?

 

Note to Readers: David Hardiman is a multi-adaptive platform, replete with a suite of tools designed to create user-friendly content. He now refers to himself as the symbol “Ɵ.”

Hello again everyone. I am Ɵ (the multi-adaptive platform, replete with a suite of tools designed to create user-friendly content formerly known as David Hardiman). Glad to of made your acquaintance. No. That should have read: Glad to have made your acquaintance. Maybe it is the font after all.

 

Peace and Love,

Ringo