Posts Tagged ‘hark’

Lesser-Known Religious Hymns

  1. Amazing Lace – The Mary Magdalene Story
  2. Nearer My Grave Am Thee – Senior worshippers embrace the truth
  3. He Be All Dat – Cardi B featuring L’il Hooligan
  4. Great is Thy Goiter – The endocrine system celebrated
  5. Jesus Take the Wheel, No Wait, I Forgot, It’s a Self-Driving Car – Elon Musk’s paean to himself
  6. God and I are Now Exclusive – Gen X’ers getting real with the Almighty
  7. Hark! My Arse Hath Been Cleansed – Popular in the Anglican Church
  8. One Set of Footprints in the Concrete – A delinquent teen laments ruining his neighbors newly poured sidewalk
  9. A Mighty Fortress is My Mancave – Where male sports fans rejoice on Sunday afternoons
  10. In the Sweet, Bi and Bi – Often heard at LGBTQ services
  11. Blessed Assurance – GEICO gets all sanctimonious with this reminder that 15 minutes could save you 15%.
  12. O’God You are the Beta Blocker Beneath My Hemoglobin – A cardiological prescription for Joy
  13. Alas My Pharynx is Nigh – Written by David Byrne, so it doesn’t make sense, but you know it’s worthy
  14. The Fruit of My Loins is Risen and You’re the Reason Why – AKA: You Up?
  15. And We Shall All Joyously Clean Out Satan’s Lint Trap – A devilishly good hymn
  16. Let He Who is Without Umbilicus Be Called a Clone – Recombinative DNA researchers’ favorite
  17. All My Lymph Nodes Belong to You Mother – George Stephanopoulos pays tribute to his mother for birthing him with a high-functioning lymphatic system, in this esoteric hymn to the body’s other circulatory system
  18. How Great Thou Art – The laity sings the praises of Art Garfunkel
  19. What a Friend We Have in the IRS – This hymn is very taxing to sing and much depreciated. 10-4ty good brother.
  20. Stop and Smell the Noses – Impossible to do. Noses don’t smell. Or do they?
  21. The Devil Can Kiss My Grits – Southern Baptists sing their truth
  22. Bringing in the Sheaves – The Baptist classic
  23. Bringing in the Heaves – The more masculine oriented version of Bringing in the Sheaves
  24. Bringing in the Thieves – Pontius Pilate collars Barabbas and his cohorts for stealing sheaves
  25. Oy! Enough Already with the Sheaves – A favorite in synagogues
  26. Desire Under the Eaves – Adam and Eve try to resist the temptation of being fruitful and multiplying
  27. Dear God, What Exactly is a Sheave and Why are We Always Singing About Them? – Mrs. Fancher’s 3rd grade class wonders what all this sheave fuss is about