Posts Tagged ‘hymn’

Lesser-Known Religious Hymns

  1. Amazing Lace – The Mary Magdalene Story
  2. Nearer My Grave Am Thee – Senior worshippers embrace the truth
  3. He Be All Dat – Cardi B featuring L’il Hooligan
  4. Great is Thy Goiter – The endocrine system celebrated
  5. Jesus Take the Wheel, No Wait, I Forgot, It’s a Self-Driving Car – Elon Musk’s paean to himself
  6. God and I are Now Exclusive – Gen X’ers getting real with the Almighty
  7. Hark! My Arse Hath Been Cleansed – Popular in the Anglican Church
  8. One Set of Footprints in the Concrete – A delinquent teen laments ruining his neighbors newly poured sidewalk
  9. A Mighty Fortress is My Mancave – Where male sports fans rejoice on Sunday afternoons
  10. In the Sweet, Bi and Bi – Often heard at LGBTQ services
  11. Blessed Assurance – GEICO gets all sanctimonious with this reminder that 15 minutes could save you 15%.
  12. O’God You are the Beta Blocker Beneath My Hemoglobin – A cardiological prescription for Joy
  13. Alas My Pharynx is Nigh – Written by David Byrne, so it doesn’t make sense, but you know it’s worthy
  14. The Fruit of My Loins is Risen and You’re the Reason Why – AKA: You Up?
  15. And We Shall All Joyously Clean Out Satan’s Lint Trap – A devilishly good hymn
  16. Let He Who is Without Umbilicus Be Called a Clone – Recombinative DNA researchers’ favorite
  17. All My Lymph Nodes Belong to You Mother – George Stephanopoulos pays tribute to his mother for birthing him with a high-functioning lymphatic system, in this esoteric hymn to the body’s other circulatory system
  18. How Great Thou Art – The laity sings the praises of Art Garfunkel
  19. What a Friend We Have in the IRS – This hymn is very taxing to sing and much depreciated. 10-4ty good brother.
  20. Stop and Smell the Noses – Impossible to do. Noses don’t smell. Or do they?
  21. The Devil Can Kiss My Grits – Southern Baptists sing their truth
  22. Bringing in the Sheaves – The Baptist classic
  23. Bringing in the Heaves – The more masculine oriented version of Bringing in the Sheaves
  24. Bringing in the Thieves – Pontius Pilate collars Barabbas and his cohorts for stealing sheaves
  25. Oy! Enough Already with the Sheaves – A favorite in synagogues
  26. Desire Under the Eaves – Adam and Eve try to resist the temptation of being fruitful and multiplying
  27. Dear God, What Exactly is a Sheave and Why are We Always Singing About Them? – Mrs. Fancher’s 3rd grade class wonders what all this sheave fuss is about

♫Bringing in the Sheaves, Bringing in the Sheaves♫


Your mother thought we were going fishing. But wait'll she shees theesh sheaves. Sheaves! It's what's for dinner.

Mom thought we were going fishing. But wait’ll she sees these sheaves we caught. Sheaves! It’s what’s for dinner.

This Protestant hymn begs the question: What exactly is a sheave and why does it need to be brought in?

Well to answer that question, you’ve first got to listen to the song and then you should read the story. Here is the audio: Bringing in the Sheaves (Disco Version). Pay particular attention (if you can withstand it) to the chorus beginning at the 30 second mark.

I’ll assume you’ve just endured it, I mean listened to it. Are you still conscious? You surprise me then. Let me begin by defining some terms:


Sheaves    –       Bundles in which cereal plants are bound after reaping.

Bringing in  –      Picking up something that was formerly out, and carrying it to a place that is now in. Read the rest of this entry »