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We Secretly Asked 10 Retirees What Their Future Plans Were. One of Them Responded 3 Times. See If You Can Guess Which One.

  1. It’s only make believe if you think it is. Achtung Baby!

    Duh. Spend as much time as possible watching Hogan’s Heroes. There is no viable alternative. Achtung Baby!

  2. Sleeping. Napping. Sleeping some more. And then hibernating. In between go on “Pajama Week” binges in my new pillow top bed.
  3. Obey the folksy surety of Tom Selleck and get reverse mortgages on everything I own. Make Magnum Great Again.
  4. Pretend to be spending more time with my family, when I’m really spending all my reverse mortgage money at the Indian casino
  5. Visit car dealerships and do crossword puzzles in the backseat of a nifty showroom model, until they call security
  6. On second thought, not to spend most of my time watching Hogan’s Heroes, but to spend all of my time watching Hogan’s Heroes. The prisoners running the Camp?…crazy man.
  7. Visit the graves of Ben Matlock, Perry Mason and Colombo
  8. Start peppering my vocabulary with age-appropriate words like spry, good days and bad days, tinkering, guff, puttering, early bird specials and back in the day
  9. Obey Joe Namath and buy Supplemental Medicare Insurance for Part B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I-P and Z. Make Broadway Joe Great Again
  10. Forget what I said before. I look forward to moving into the light and irrevocably crossing over into a Hogan’s Heroes Heaven where everything goes right because nothing can go wrong.

Dismissed.

Token White: I Knew it Would Pay Off

Spike Lee to make an all-Black version of Hogan’s Heroes,” trumpeted the headline in Variety.  

Hogan and his heroes throttling the Nazi war machine. Sgt. Kinchloe on the left.

Hogan and his heroes throttling the Nazi war machine. Sgt. Kinchloe on the left.

As I breathlessly absorbed those sweet words that I’d waited almost 50 years to read, a lump the size of a Sherman Tank began to grow in my throat. Could this really be happening? I mean it wasn’t the Beatles getting back together, but it was close. One of my fondest boyhood memories was cozying up to the TV on Friday night at 8:30 to watch experience Hogan’s Heroes. The show had everything the pure heart of a 6 year old boy yearned for: good army men outsmarting bad army men, a bunch of secret agent GI Joes camping out in a barrack, and plenty of pretty frauliens inexplicably parading about in a backwater POW camp – who cared if it didn’t make sense? It made me happy. Still does. This new Spike Lee Hogan’s Heroes would make me even happier.  

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Hogan’s Heroes: Keeping it Real (sort of)

The coolest, smartest and handsomest guy in the room. Col. Robert Hogan US Air Corps.

The coolest, smartest and handsomest guy in the room: Col. Robert Hogan US Air Corps.

If I was dying and the Make-A-Wish Foundation could grant me one request, it would be to enter into the idealized world of TV’s Hogan’s Heroes featuring Colonel Robert Hogan and his intrepid band of brothers. Truth is however, I’m not dying (at least not ahead of schedule) and yet I still want to go there. Forget Tomorrowland and Pirates of the Caribbean, couldn’t Disney create a HoganWorld where adolescent adults like myself could revel in a fantasy realm of cunning espionage, brotherly camaraderie and busty blondes working for The Underground? “Goldilocks this is Papa Bear, come in Goldilocks.” A place where never is heard a discouraging word and the skies are not cloudy all day. C’mon Disney you can build it. Please Walt. Pretty please. Forget about Saving Mr. Banks, how about Saving Mr. Hardiman? Read the rest of this entry »