Posts Tagged ‘museums’

1. The Museum of Things that Look Much Better from a Distance – A place for 2^nd rate art that shouldn’t be looked at too closely
2. The Museum of Silverware That’s Been Accidentally Scarred in a Garbage Disposal – The telltale marks on this battle-weary silverware are both savage and beautiful. Some are arranged in neat trays, while others are starkly scattered on butcher block tables.
3. House of Melted Wax Museum – See big buckets of melted wax that could’ve been a famous person if it was hardened properly. Much like radio did, this museum forces you to use your imagination to envision Beyonce in a 10-gal pail of beige wax.
4. Museum of Uninterpretable Objects – It’s all there. Chicken wire nailed to a cross. A ceramic cat giving birth to porcelain kittens. An endless loop of a man screaming, “Silence!” You’ll leave thinking, “Am I missing something?” And then you’ll realize “Yes, I am missing something – the $65 admission fee.”
5. The Museum of Amnesia – It’s all there. Oh wait. Well, it was all there. Fodor’s Travel Guide raves about the place: “The Museum of Amnesia is an unforgettable experience.”
6. The Museum of Female Butchery – Once thought to be the exclusive domain of males, caring female butchers can make a slaughterhouse a slaughterhome, with a few throw pillows here and a splash of blood there. They bring humor to the profession. Female butchers can be such cut-ups.

Break for a seasonal Egg Nog or just Nog if you’re vegan

7. Museum of Things You’ll Never Be Able to Unsee – Grandma Moses pole dancing, a kangaroo dressed like Truman Capote, a hologram of Tupac Shakur scrapbooking. It’s enough to take the wind out of any one’s sails. Allow 4 hours (just to recover).
8. Museum of What May Be the Severed Tip of Vincent Van Gogh’s Ear – Supposedly found amongst some of his canvasses in 1892, it’s provenance is questionable especially considering the ear is embossed: “Made in Indonesia”
9. The Museum of Negative Space – It fills a great artistic void…with a whole lotta nuthin’. As empty experiences go, it’s one of the most fulfilling. 

Break for a cerebral-cleansing Christmas cookie

10. The Museum of the Other Side – This museum dedicates itself to what the backs, bottom and other sides of artworks look like. See Mona Lisa from behind with her barely discernible curls delicately playing on her raven hair. Witness Warhol’s Soup Cans from the bottom where you can see their expiration dates. And ogle Whistler’s Mother’s other profile.
11. The Museum of One Million Desiccated Packets – It is highly advised you moisturize before going. It’s a very unemotional museum. There’s always a dry eye in the house.
12. Museum of Orphaned Unicorns – It’s very difficult to locate. Many believe it’s, somewhere over the rainbow.

Break for a drink. “What can I get started for you?”

13. The Museum of Modern Contemporary Nowness – This museum is fabulously current. A favorite of the “Be here now” set.
14. The Museum of What Perishable Food Items Look Like After 5 Days in the Sun – It’s all there: Meat, Cheese and Leftovers. For plant positive people there’s a vegan wing.
15. The Museum of What the World Would Be Like if There Weren’t Pumpkins – A deep dive into a pumpkin-less world of Halloween Jack-O-Rutabagas. Come and experience the ubiquity of everything flavored with seasonal Gourd Spice. One visit and you’ll be scared straight. Straight to a nearby pumpkin patch.
16. The Museum of It’s 4 in the Morning and I Can’t Sleep So I’m Making this List – I’m checking it twice. I’m going to find out…

 

The Rejects…They Didn’t Pass the Mustard or pass muster…Now you can witness my creative process/editing

24. The Museum of Unnecessary Differentiation – aka MUD, like all museums this museum displays objects that look different from each other and serve no useful purpose. Surprise!

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