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Posts Tagged ‘sentence’

21 Sentences I Never Want to Hear Spoken to Me

  1. The picture (of me) doesn’t always have to dovetail with the story. Sometimes a picture is just a picture. 

    We’re not happy about it up here in the cockpit either folks. But sometimes airplanes just run out of fuel.

  2. We think it’s best to leave the arrow in till we get to a hospital
  3. When’s your due date?
  4. I didn’t know it was loaded. Big toes are overrated anyway.
  5. Just 24 more reincarnations and you’ll be able to move on to the next level.
  6. The good news is that you’re a person of interest. The bad news is that the police are the ones saying it.
  7. You’re kinda cute. (if Mike Tyson said it)
  8. Don’t worry. I won’t tell anybody you’re an ABBA fan.
  9. David honey, the YMCA called. They said your loincloths are in. What’s that all about?
  10. Well you did draw the short straw and we have been stranded for 3 weeks.
  11. According to 23 and Me you’re not related to anyone in your family.
  12. No Mrs. Hardiman, these coffins are soundproof. Even if he was alive you couldn’t hear him.
  13. I think the lava flow is gaining on us. Your shoelaces are on fire.
  14. OK, now I can tell you. It was 100% elephant placenta.
  15. You’re lucky Mr. Hardiman. It’s the “good” kind of sucking chest wound.
  16. I didn’t think it was possible, but you’ve got toilet paper on both shoes.
  17. You’re kinda cute. (if Mike Pence said it)
  18. You got an F- Mr. Hardiman. And it was graded on a curve
  19. Well at least you still have the one leg.
  20. Your concern is noted. And you’re right, our hot air balloon should be big and puffy. But sometimes hot air balloons just run out of fuel.
  21. Peter at the Pearly Gates: If it was up to me you know I’d let you in. But I don’t make those decisions. I’m just a bouncer with wings.

Deconstructing an Essay While Writing It

In the beginning there were biscuit cheeks...

“I can’t wait to read this when I can read,” thinks biscuit-cheeked Megan.

The first sentence of an essay often comes at the beginning and is probably its most important. The next sentence comes second, which is the same way a thoughtful husband makes love to his wife. The 3rd sentence is usually truant and can be found gorging itself at an all-you-can-eat buffet. So by the fourth sentence you need a catnap. Now the fifth sentence is where I try to arouse your interests in my story by slowly revealing its contours, but this amounts to no more than a pastie on the nipple of life. So by the sixth sentence the whole affair has grown a little tedious and that’s why the first sentence is so damn important.

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