21 Sentences I Never Want to Hear Spoken to Me

  1. The picture (of me) doesn’t always have to dovetail with the story. Sometimes a picture is just a picture. 

    We’re not happy about it up here in the cockpit either folks. But sometimes airplanes just run out of fuel.

  2. We think it’s best to leave the arrow in till we get to a hospital
  3. When’s your due date?
  4. I didn’t know it was loaded. Big toes are overrated anyway.
  5. Just 24 more reincarnations and you’ll be able to move on to the next level.
  6. The good news is that you’re a person of interest. The bad news is that the police are the ones saying it.
  7. You’re kinda cute. (if Mike Tyson said it)
  8. Don’t worry. I won’t tell anybody you’re an ABBA fan.
  9. David honey, the YMCA called. They said your loincloths are in. What’s that all about?
  10. Well you did draw the short straw and we have been stranded for 3 weeks.
  11. According to 23 and Me you’re not related to anyone in your family.
  12. No Mrs. Hardiman, these coffins are soundproof. Even if he was alive you couldn’t hear him.
  13. I think the lava flow is gaining on us. Your shoelaces are on fire.
  14. OK, now I can tell you. It was 100% elephant placenta.
  15. You’re lucky Mr. Hardiman. It’s the “good” kind of sucking chest wound.
  16. I didn’t think it was possible, but you’ve got toilet paper on both shoes.
  17. You’re kinda cute. (if Mike Pence said it)
  18. You got an F- Mr. Hardiman. And it was graded on a curve
  19. Well at least you still have the one leg.
  20. Your concern is noted. And you’re right, our hot air balloon should be big and puffy. But sometimes hot air balloons just run out of fuel.
  21. Peter at the Pearly Gates: If it was up to me you know I’d let you in. But I don’t make those decisions. I’m just a bouncer with wings.

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