Imagine a world where every person, place or thing is named Ebenezer:
- Prince would become, the artist formerly known as Ebenezer
- Jeopardy questions suddenly a whole lot easier
- Determining sexual consent might be a problem: “Would you mind if I kissed you on the Ebenezer?”
- Wouldn’t have to worry about mispronouncing the city of Yuzhnoukrainsk in Mykolaiv Oblast…or any city in any Oblast
- Dinner parties would be tricky: “Would you please pass the Ebenezer”
- Hey Jude becomes Hey Ebenezer
- The horse that guy rode through the desert on that he thought had no name…Ebenezer
- The answer to the song’s question Say my name, Say my name…Ebenezer
- Chuck Norris… Still Chuck Norris
- In Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol” Tiny Tim would become Tiny Ebenezer
- The phrase “We can’t cater to every Tom Dick and Harry,” becomes ”We can’t cater to every Ebenezer Ebenezer and Ebenezer.”
- Wasted away again in Ebenezerville
- That Paul Simon song “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover” would have to be seriously reworked.
- Consumer reports would always recommend Ebenezer brand
- While lovemaking, you could never yell out the wrong name
- All anonymous sources would be named Ebenezer
- GPS would be impossible. Unless of course you were going to Ebenezer.
The point is we’d all be Scrooged.