Top Ten Most Popular Items Sold at the Dollar Tree

  1. No-Ply Toilet Paper – For eco-friendly people with time, and other stuff, on their hands.
  2. Rescue Hamsters – Only $1 a dozen. Remember: The difference between a hamster and a gerbil is that a hamster has more dark meat.
  3. Sorta Depends – Sorta work for the sorta incontinent
  4. One Cheek Fanny Cleaner – Another half-ass product from the Dollar Tree

    Stretch your dollar till you pull a legal tendon at the Dollar Tree.

  5. Shadow Puppets – So flimsy they don’t even cast shadows
  6. Ventriloquist Dummies – Really dumb. Their mouths don’t open. No wonder they only cost a dollar
  7. Reconditioned Kleenex – Pre-owned facial tissues for the phlegmishly frugal
  8. Plant-based Iguana Filets – For those who cannot afford actual iguana filets
  9. Meat-based Plants – Turnabout is fair play. Try the surprisingly affordable Hot Dogwood tree.
  10. Sarah Huckabee’s Beauty Mask – Sold in the Halloween section
  11. Pumpkin Spice Catheters – Combining everything you don’t like, in something you don’t need, for one low price
  12. Bristleless Toothbrush for Denture Wearers – Brush like no one’s watching. At least I hope not.

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