Archive for the ‘Ditties’ Category

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I gave it 3 clowns, but I’d give it 2 bearded ladies if they’d let me. 

Don’t think I’ll stay here again.

First of all, the guy at the reception desk was a total clown. Then, when I’m signing in, I see a Mini Cooper pull up and 38 clowns got out.

It seems like a nice touch when the motel leaves a little carnation on your pillow, but when you pick it up, it squirts you in the face. 

The Clown Motel is a little eerie. In the morning my shoes had somehow become twice their normal size. Each room is assigned a “personal valet clown” named It, who resides in the closet, but sticks his head out every 1/2 hour to ask maniacally, “Can I get you anything” – and they expect you to sleep thru this. 

The motel restaurant is very good, but for god’s sake don’t order the cream pie. It served “en face.” As expected, the clown pie tasted kinda funny. 

And to think this motel claims Rudolph as one of their own just because he has a red nose. The whole thing was a total clown show.

 

~Verified Customer~

 

Applying Pig Latin to Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious is a waste of time.
I mean you can say, “upercalifragilisticexpialidocious-Sa” but you can’t really disguise the fact that it’s still Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious you’re trying to camouflage.

Cold War spies are dead because they failed to heed this truism.

A moving van pulls up to a psychologist’s house and the Dr. says, “There’s a lot to unpack here.”

It was a very emotional moment because it was a very moving van.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Activities/Destinations/Excursions for the Cancun tourist to consider:

1. Swim with the Prawns – You’ve seen them swimming in garlic sauce, now it’s your turn to swim with these grungy little bottom feeders in a debris-strewn backwater
2. Ride on an Inflatable Banana While Being Pulled By a Jet Ski Doing 55 mph – Hard pass. There are more creative ways to “ride the banana.”
3. The Jolly Rancher – A kids’ oriented pirate party ship. It’s the sister ship to the adults’ more debauched Jolly Roger. The Jolly Rancher serves shots of Sunny D on the quarterdeck, plays Recess Monkeys music on the spar deck and, as expected has all the bathrooms on the poop deck. Every night at 7 pm, little Kaitlyn Penrose walks the plank right into the kiddie pool.
   

   There’s a “can-do” attitude in Cancun.
   I canned.
   I cuned.
   I conquered.

4. Bed Bug Bite Connect-a-Dot Constellation Game – No matter how opulent the resort, they all have bed bugs. In this creative game you connect the dot-bites on your partners body to form a sign of the zodiac or a car logo
5. Take the Ferry to the Island of “The Love that Dare Not Speak its Name” – A fairy ride you’ll never forget featuring female impersonators so real they’d fool Ellen Degeneres. Talk about “Man, overboard” – everything is over the top on this ferry.
6. The Museum of Waiters Who, When You Go to the Bathroom, Refold Your Napkin into a Swan – They’re all there in wax: Roberto Vazquez, Raoul Juarez and, for reasons still unclear to me, the Jackson 5.
7. Ripley’s You’ll Never, Ever Believe This Museum – (unless you’re a Republican) Visit Ripley’s Hall of outrageous, bald-faced lies that some people believe are actually true just because others are telling them it’s true.
8. Excursion to the Mayan Ruins of Chechen Itza – A big disappointment. They actually took me to visit a ruined chicken pizza and not Chichen Itza. When I complained to the operator he said “Oh so sorry Senor, if you want to visit Chichen Itza it will cost you more. Too bad you signed up for chicken pizza.”
9. The Ocean is My Urinal – Don’t “Ewwww!” me. Oh, like you haven’t.
10. These Mexicans Have a Different Word for Everything – Alright already. I get it. I’m not in America anymore.