Least Practical Service Animals

  1. I have a sponge on my head …and I’m happy to see you.

    Service Mermaid – Upside: They always laugh when you say, “There’s something fishy about you.” Downside: They tend to flop around a lot on the couch.

  2. Service Beaver – Be careful. There are 2 kinds. One has a much sought-after pelt, and the other one builds dams.
  3. Service Psoriasis – At first you’ll resist them. But eventually they’ll get under your skin.
  4. Service Giraffe – It’s true they can adjust a roof antenna, but you need a scissors jack just to put a collar on them
  5. Service E. coli – Problem is, you bring one home and an hour later you’ve got 10 million mouths to feed. And PetSmart charges a fortune for a bag of E. Coli Chow. And don’t forget E. Coli Puppy Chow (till he’s full grown).
  6. Service Grinch – ♫He’s a mean one. Service Grinch. He’s got garlic in his soul. He’s as cuddly as a cactus. He will find new ways to tax us. Service GRRRRinch! ♫
  7. Service Dogs Named Pavlov – They’re very well-trained but they have one drawback – they drool all over the floor
  8. Service Hyena – Upside: They’ll laugh at anything. Downside: If the least bit hungry, they’ll often rip out their owner’s carotid artery.
  9. Service Monkey – Although a sympathetic primate, they tend to throw feces at inappropriate moments. Not that there’s an appropriate moment to throw feces, but you get the point.
  10. Service Dust Bunny – Upside: Low maintenance. Downside: One sneeze and it’s $900 down the drain.
  11. Service Gnats – A word of caution: They’re not much in the way of comfort and they usually vanish by getting accidentally inhaled

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