God Save Everybody, but especially QEII

Part I

1. Lady Calgon of Bath
2. Lord Fishinchips
3. Princess Caitlyn – Formerly the Earl of Bruce
4. Catherine of Arrogant
5. Jane of Cleavage
6. Catherine of Kissage
7. John Longfellow of Shrinkage
8. Duchess Beatrice Higginsbottom of Titwhistle
9. Lord Camby Fetlock of Derbyshire – Although a Fetlock, he was a real horse’s arse
10. King Henry the Alligator – I know. Ridiculous, but when Parliament was looking for a new Monarch they decreed, “Bring us Henry the Alligator…and make it snappy.”

Part II

1. Lord Hartwick Chamberpot of Bladderpool
2. Briles “Bertie” Anspach of Stroke-upon-Head
3. Dame Cynthia Natwick the MILF of Heavenscleft
4. Sir Giles Dipshit of Pickwick – The Nitwit of Pickwick
5. Sir Spencer Feckless – The Coward of the County
6. Earl Earl Earlton of Earlton – Redundancy is his middle name (actually it’s Earl)
7. Dame Margaret “Bootie” Riles of Pisspiddle
8. Sir Randy Bottoms of Randy Bottoms
9. Osgood Maggot – Lord of the Flies
10. Sir Richard “Dickie” Twickencock – First Adjutant Martyr of the Royal Withstanders
11. Mycroft Tweedmouth of Worcestershire (Worcestershire is pronounced “Hullabaloo”)
12. Marquis of Queensbury – His rules rule
13. Lord Mountbatten of Bat Mountain
14. Sir Charles Vermin of Rottingham
15. Dame Cecily Pissnipple of Hardpass
16. Count Basie of Ellington
17. Duke Ellington of Basie
18. Colonel Sanders of Kent
19. Duke Paisley Park – The Duke was formerly known as Prince
20. Duchess Cordelia Drywall – Born Emily Plaster, she married the Duke of Drywall after he got plastered
21. Princess Purrsalot of Cheshire – She’s the cat’s Meow
22. Laird Matthew McConaughy – The Fifth Firth of Forth
23. Lady Constance Always of Evermore – Left an enduring legacy
24. Baron of Clothes
25. Count of Hands
26. Duke of Patty
27. Duke of Kale – the Plant-based alternative to the Duke of Patty
28. Queen Elton John
29. R2D2 – Queen of Bots
30. Bluddy Hackett – A Noted Court Jester
31. Sir Penzasword – The 1^st part of his name is mightier than the 2^nd part of his name
32. Damn Judi Dench – Mother of Dame Judi Dench
33. Dame Edna Pantaloons of Cavendish – Known as the craven dish from Cavendish
34. Lord Gloomypants of Prozac Prospect
35. Sir Thinxalot – A smart & cunning royal who some say was the inspiration for a Dr. Seuss character
36. Sir Dumasdirt – Much beloved, but couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the directions were on the heel
37. Sir Reginald Bolus of Excrement
38. Lady Winifred Butterscotch of Scoopage
39. Lady Prudence Digby of Rigglesworth (of the Northumberland Rigglesworths’)
40. Lord Albumen of Egg – Descended of the Egg Yorks
41. Sir Thomas Libertine of Taint-upon-Arse
42. Earl of Appalachia – Yeah, that Earl
43. Lady Muffet of Tuffet – She had a way with whey
44. Dam Eloise of Ipswich – Not a Dame but an actual Dam named Eloise in Ipswich
45. Penelope Faithful of Reliance – May have dated Keith Richards
46. Lady Prunella of Nutella
47. Niles “Whitey” Heathcliff of Fluffernutter
48. Astrid Ascot of Crackage
49. Thurston Howell III – a 3-hour tour, a 3-hour tour
50. Lady Douche – Born Summers Eve
51. William the Constipated – A real tight ass
52. Jane Seymour – The Exhibitionist
53. Jane Seeless – The Prude
54. Henry the Ate – Eviler twin of Henry the 8^th. Defying the Pope, Henry the Ate legalized cannibalism and ate six of his wives.
55. Earl of Sandwich
56. Earl of Manwich
57. Duke of Sloppy Joes
58. Cleopatra Jones – Quentin Tarantino’s favorite Royal
59. Earl of Pearl’s Mom – More commonly known as Mother of Pearl
60. Henry the Abdicator – Crowned King on 3 separate occasions, but he abandoned the throne each time
61. Richard the Lyinhearted – Wrong lion. This fibbing Monarch simply could not tell the truth
62. Lord Pigsford of Hammingham
63. King Harry the Ejaculator – Best to stand to the side of him
64. Lady Ovary of a Certain Age – Lives in West Eggless
65. Teh Dkue of Dyslexia
66. Prince Charles – The Prince of Wales
67. Prince Harry Styles – The Prince of Wails
68. Prince Greenpeace – The Prince of Whales
69. Sire Sanford Smitch of Suffern Succotash
70. Lord Marlboro of Emphysema – Always joked, “What did one casket say to the other? Is that you coffin?”
71. Jacques Cousteau – The Dauphin of Dolphins

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