Posts Tagged ‘english’
- Lady Calgon of Bath
- Lord Fishinchips
- Princess Caitlyn – Formerly the Earl of Bruce
- Catherine of Arrogant
- Jane of Cleavage
- Catherine of Kissage
- John Longfellow of Shrinkage
- Duchess Beatrice Higginsbottom of Titwhistle
- Lord Camby Fetlock of Derbyshire – Although a Fetlock, he was a real horse’s arse
- King Henry the Alligator – I know. Ridiculous, but when Parliament was looking for a new Monarch they decreed, “Bring us Henry the Alligator…and make it snappy.”
- Lord Hartwick Chamberpot of Bladderpool
- Briles “Bertie” Anspach of Stroke-upon-Head
- Dame Cynthia Natwick the MILF of Heavenscleft
- Sir Giles Dipshit of Pickwick – The Nitwit of Pickwick
- Sir Spencer Feckless – The Coward of the County
- Earl Earl Earlton of Earlton – Redundancy is his middle name (actually it’s Earl)
- Dame Margaret “Bootie” Riles of Pisspiddle
- Sir Randy Bottoms of Randy Bottoms
- Osgood Maggot – Lord of the Flies
- Sir Richard “Dickie” Twickencock – First Adjutant Martyr of the Royal Withstanders
- Mycroft Tweedmouth of Worcestershire (Worcestershire is pronounced “Hullabaloo”)
- Marquis of Queensbury – His rules rule
- Lord Mountbatten of Bat Mountain
- Sir Charles Vermin of Rottingham
- Dame Cecily Pissnipple of Hardpass
- Count Basie of Ellington
- Duke Ellington of Basie
- Colonel Sanders of Kent
- Duke Paisley Park – The Duke was formerly known as Prince
- Duchess Cordelia Drywall – Born Emily Plaster, she married the Duke of Drywall after he got plastered
- Princess Purrsalot of Cheshire – She’s the cat’s Meow
- Laird Matthew McConaughy – The Fifth Firth of Forth
- Lady Constance Always of Evermore – Left an enduring legacy
- Baron of Clothes
- Count of Hands
- Duke of Patty
- Duke of Kale – the Plant-based alternative to the Duke of Patty
- Queen Elton John
- R2D2 – Queen of Bots
- Bluddy Hackett – A Noted Court Jester
- Sir Penzasword – The 1st part of his name is mightier than the 2nd part of his name
- Damn Judi Dench – Mother of Dame Judi Dench
- Dame Edna Pantaloons of Cavendish – Known as the craven dish from Cavendish
- Lord Gloomypants of Prozac Prospect
- Sir Thinxalot – A smart & cunning royal who some say was the inspiration for a Dr. Seuss character
- Sir Dumasdirt – Much beloved, but couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the directions were on the heel
- Sir Reginald Bolus of Excrement
- Lady Winifred Butterscotch of Scoopage
- Lady Prudence Digby of Rigglesworth (of the Northumberland Rigglesworths’)
- Lord Albumen of Egg – Descended of the Egg Yorks
- Sir Thomas Libertine of Taint-upon-Arse
- Earl of Appalachia – Yeah, that Earl
- Lady Muffet of Tuffet – She had a way with whey
- Dam Eloise of Ipswich – Not a Dame but an actual Dam named Eloise in Ipswich
- Penelope Faithful of Reliance – May have dated Keith Richards
- Lady Prunella of Nutella
- Niles “Whitey” Heathcliff of Fluffernutter
- Astrid Ascot of Crackage
- Thurston Howell III – a 3-hour tour, a 3-hour tour
- Lady Douche – Born Summers Eve
- William the Constipated – A real tight ass
- Jane Seymour – The Exhibitionist
- Jane Seeless – The Prude
- Henry the Ate – Eviler twin of Henry the 8th. Defying the Pope, Henry the Ate legalized cannibalism and ate six of his wives.
- Earl of Sandwich
- Earl of Manwich
- Duke of Sloppy Joes
- Cleopatra Jones – Quentin Tarantino’s favorite Royal
- Earl of Pearl’s Mom – More commonly known as Mother of Pearl
- Henry the Abdicator – Crowned King on 3 separate occasions, but he abandoned the throne each time
- Richard the Lyinhearted – Wrong lion. This fibbing Monarch simply could not tell the truth
- Lord Pigsford of Hammingham
- King Harry the Ejaculator – Best to stand to the side of him
- Lady Ovary of a Certain Age – Lives in West Eggless
- Teh Dkue of Dyslexia
- Prince Charles – The Prince of Wales
- Prince Harry Styles – The Prince of Wails
- Prince Greenpeace – The Prince of Whales
- Sire Sanford Smitch of Suffern Succotash
- Lord Marlboro of Emphysema – Always joked, “What did one casket say to the other? Is that you coffin?”
- Jacques Cousteau – The Dauphin of Dolphins
I’m Just Another Grammar Cracker. If Oliver Cromwell was the Lord Protector of England, I am the Lord Enabler of English.
If Joe Namath Lived During the Time of Shakespeare, this confusion might arise at the Knights’ Induction Center. Let’s listen in:
Drill Instructor (DI): Welcometh all to thine Queen’s army. I shall requireth some information from each of thou before we begin drills.
The DI then walks up to Broadway Joe and asks him, “Nameth?”
Joe Namath: Yes.
DI: What do you mean Yes? Your nameth is Yes.
Joe Namath: No. My Nameth is Namath.
Joe Namath: No. Watt’s the inventor of the Steam Engine.
DI: Huh. Who’s the inventor of the Steam Engine?
Joe Namath: No. Who’s the guy on first.
DI: Will you just telleth me thine nameth.
Joe Namath: My nameth is Namath.
DI: Yeah and my nameth is Queen Elizabeth
Joe Namath: Strange, you don’t look like royalty.
DI: Alright funny boy, to the stockade for you.