Posts Tagged ‘briscoe’

How the World Would be Different if the Only Last Name Ever Allowed was Briscoe

  1. This would be everyone’s Coat of Arms.

    There’d be a Martin Luther Briscoe Blvd in every major city.

  2. Jesus Christ would be known as Jesus Briscoe and when people were really exasperated they’d say, “Oh Jesus H Briscoe!”
  3. If I said, “The artist formerly known as Briscoe” you’d know I was talking about Prince.
  4. Abercrombie & Fitch would be known as Briscoe & Briscoe. Then again, so would Simon and Garfunkel.
  5. Daniel Day-Lewis…Daniel Briscoe-Briscoe
  6. And you can be damn sure Chuck Norris would still be called Chuck Norris!
  7. Stormy Briscoe…’nuff said.
  8. If you saw a long lost buddy in the distance at a baseball game and yelled out, “Hey Briscoe, is that you?” The entire crowd would turn to you and say, “Of course it is.”
  9. 80% of late night talk show hosts would be named Jimmy Briscoe.
  10. Muhammad Ali would’ve changed his name from Cassius Briscoe to Muhammad Briscoe
  11. The happiest places on earth would be Briscoeland and Briscoe World.
  12. Pharmacies would have one big plastic “B” bin for all the prescriptions to go in.
  13. The FBI’s 10 Most Wanted Criminals would become more difficult to track down.
  14. On the other hand, if a criminal used an alias it would have to be Briscoe.
  15. This Briscoe name thing is really no different than the way it is right now, having the name “Kim” in North Korea.
  16. The Tom Hanks/bulldog buddy movie Turner & Hooch would become Briscoe & Hooch. But the Dustin Hoffman, Meryl Streep movie Kramer vs. Kramer would become Briscoe vs. Briscoe and would star Dustin Briscoe and Meryl Briscoe.
  17. The fabled baseball poem Tinkers to Evers to Chance would lose some of its magic because Briscoe to Briscoe to Briscoe just doesn’t have the same ring to it.
  18. Even if everyone’s last name was Briscoe, Kanye West would still be known as an idiot.
  19. Abbot & Costello’s classic baseball skit Who’s on First would morph into a pointless Briscoe’s on First, because every player on the field would be named Briscoe. The skit might sound like this:
    • Who’s on first?
    • It’s not Who. It’s Briscoe. Briscoe’s on 1st.
    • I thought Who was the 2nd
    • That’s Briscoe.
    • So Briscoe’s on 1st and Briscoe’s on 2nd, well then Who’s at shortstop?
    • Who is not the shortstop. Briscoe is the shortstop.
    • You mean to tell me if they made a double play it would be Briscoe to Briscoe to Briscoe?
    • But we like to call it Tinkers to Evers to Chance.
  20. Now that I think of it, maybe it would be funny if everyone’s name in that skit was Briscoe. In any event the skit would be performed by Briscoe & Briscoe which is Abbot & Costello and not to be confused with Simon & Garfunkel. Read the rest of this entry »