Posts Tagged ‘Greek’

1. Sophocles – A great Greek playwright
2. Testicles (rhymes with Sophocles) – A not-so-great maker of sacs

 

1. Pythagoras – A great mathematician and discoverer of a²+ b² = c²
2. Esophagus – This one may be a tough one to swallow, but he was a not-so-great chef.

 

1. Zorba the Greek – Broke plates and partied like it was 1999 BC
2. Zorba the Freak – Ate plates and partied like it was Y2K BC

 

1. Archimedes – Another great mathematician. Archimedes was so screwed.
2. Diabetes – He and his brother Pancreas were always slipping into not-so-great comas

 

1. Odysseus – Great Greek king and warrior of the Trojan War
2. Peristalsis – A not-so-great Greek. You may find this hard to digest, but Peristalsis was the mortal enemy of Vomitus.

 

1. Prometheus – A great Greek who brought fire into the world
2. Bursitis – A not-so-great Greek who brought rheumatism into the world  

 

1. Herodotus – A great Greek historian. Herodotus wrote in exquisite detail about the Persian wars.
2. Platypus – A duck-billed Athenian. Always in debt. He’d say. “Just put it on my bill.’
3. Platypussy – Platypus’s wife. Also known as Connie.

 

1. Anthony Quinn – He wasn’t even Greek although he starred in Zorba the Greek
2. Annette Funicello – I don’t even know what she’s doing in this list.

 

1. Moussaka – A great Greek dish of layered eggplant, ground beef and potatoes
2. Moose-saka – Same dish but with antlers. Not-so-great.
3. Meese-saka – More than one Moose-saka

Understanding Greek mythology has always been my Achilles’ heel. Whether it’s mighty Hercules slaying the 9-headed Hydra or Thetis dipping her son Achilles into the protective waters of the River Styx, I’m continuously flummoxed by the never-ending array of fantastic characters populating this Grecian game board. It’s like Game of Thrones, but with thunderbolts, tridents and togas. As we delve more deeply into this proto-religion, I’m sure you’ll agree with me when I say: Greek Mythology is just a bunch of crazy made up stuff. And not your regular crazy either. It’s bat-shit crazy. Oh sure it elevates the challenges of life to epic sagas. But it does so with 3-headed dogs, 9-headed Hydras and snake-headed Medusas. Greek mythology is a head case of hallucinogenic seizures somebody took the time to write down. The fact that it has stuck around this long astounds me. But perhaps I’m being too harsh. I’m probably doing a disservice to bat-shit when I compare it to Greek mythology.  Read the rest of this entry »