Posts Tagged ‘medical’

1. Longness of Breath – Why get caught short?
2. Acute Baby – It’s better than an ugly one
3. Vowel Movement – Grammarians recommend 2 to 3 compacted vowel movements a day
4. Chronic Consonant Crowding – To be found in the word shrimp or shrank: 6 letters, 5 consonants 83.3% consonant compliant. Also found in the word catchphrase which has a whopping 6 consecutive consonants – take that syzygy.
5. Pancreatic Fondling – Who doesn’t? Y’know, when you’re alone and no one’s watching
6. Spinal Men-in Black – Greatly preferred over Spinal Meningitis
7. Medium Pox – Get the Pox size that’s right for you!
8. Atrial Fluffernutter – A disease that’s close to my heart
9. Myocardial Infantilism – I don’t even know what I’m talking about here I just like to say “Myocardial Infantilism.”
10. Stereo-nucleosis – Again, it’s greatly preferred over Mono-nucleosis
11. Mono-Poly – A great way to mispronounce Monopoly. Mono-Poly: where the accent’s on fun.
12. Fractured Fairy Tales – Broke my heart to read them
13. One Toke Over the Lyme…disease – When life gives you limes, you make limeade?
14. Help! I’m Coming Apart at the Seams – Well then, you probably need a good screwing.
15. Ack Knee – Greatly preferred to acne
16. Dry Hump – Starts around puberty
17. Lymph Penis Syndrome – Starts around Social Security
18. Freudian Dandruff – A syndrome suffered by flakes
19. Freudian Girdle – Sorry, another Freudian reference – I must be slipping.
20. Chronic Freudian Reference Syndrome – A unique disorder manifested by writer’s with supreme intellijence.
21. Detached Attitude – Could care less about this condition
22. Arrested Leg Syndrome – Gotta walk the line otherwise you get the boot
23. Hepa-tight-ass – When you can’t tip more than 15%
24. Foot in Mouth Disease – When you tell the truth by accident
25. Writers’ Gaffe – When you tell the truth by accident

Girl Scouts of America’s proposed new logo.

Girl Scouts of America (GSA) have taken what was traditionally a little charitable bake sale and transformed it into a sophisticated glucose delivery system. Frantic sales scenes like the following have been reported all across America as a kind of cookie-mania has swept over our nations medical marijuana dispensaries.

Near the entrance to Pot Shots in Portland, OR, 9-year old Becky Galvin was all dressed up in her freshly pressed Girl Scout uniform when she looked up at red-eyed Eddie Miller and observed, “You look like you could use a box of my Thin Mints.”

“How much for a box,” blurted-out a fidgety Mr. Miller?

A match made in marketing heaven.

“Five dollars sir,” politely answered Becky.

“I’ll take 20.” Mr. Miller quickly tossed a C-note on the portable plastic table Mrs. Galvin had purchased recently at Costco and in the span of 2 minutes, 19 boxes were loaded into the meshed netting of his 2008 Honda Element. He reserved one box for his personal use in the front seat.

“This box’ll be empty before I ever get home,” Mr. Miller remarked before mistakenly wishing Becky good luck on her new religion.    Read the rest of this entry »