Posts Tagged ‘observations’
Observations From One of Your Favorite Organisms (Me):
July 22nd, 2024 | 
Author: 1. There are few things I enjoy in life more than knocking sh*t off my nightstand at 3 am
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2. Have you ever noticed how you sometimes see John Stamos and Rob Lowe in the same place? That’s because they’re two different people.
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3. Sad Fact: Now that I’m older I no longer get the Zoomies.
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4. Is the Ferry Building in San Francisco spelled correctly? Cuz I thought…oh never mind
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5. No one talks about how when you screw a lid back onto a jar, you have to turn it backwards first until it clicks into place. Only then can you go forward.
I think there’s a great life lesson here.
And that lesson is: Screw It!
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A Potpourri of Observations that are Completely Odorless
- I’m so confused. The Temp Agency got me a permanent, parttime job at the Unemployment Office.
- It is said that centuries ago when there were 2 Popes, they sometimes raced down the Nave to get to the pulpit first. Occasionally one Pope might cut off the other sparking a hellacious case of Pope Rage.
- After taking way too many Southwest flights I tried to speak romantically to my wife. It didn’t go well: “I know you have choices when it comes to husbands and I really appreciate you flying David Hardiman. I was thinking maybe we could get my “tray table” in the upright and locked position before we take-off.”
- Did you ever iron your money when giving it as a gift? Yes, but just the change.
- I’m writing a new Vincent Van Gogh biography. It’s called “A Brush with Greatness.” I think you’ll find it kind of earry.
- My proctologist says there’s a big difference between being involved in a morass and being involved in more ass. (Alright, that joke is not completely odorless. So sue me.)
- Now you know. When a Sign Language Interpreter gets arthritis, they call it laryngitis.
Observations After 61 Years of Living (most of them consecutive)
Let’s begin by setting the expectation bar really low, and hope I can get under it.
- I rub women the wrong way – I’m a Massagynist
- Physicist Izzy Grissom insists his wrist is twisted, but it’s just a cyst that persists. That’s the gist.
- My advice to the citizens of Moldova: Men, guard your catalytic convertors. Women and children, sell your platelets. And to all my mollusk friends: keep clam.
- For obvious reasons, during performances at the High Wire Club, tipping is not allowed
- It is said by people much smarter than me (and I’m sure there are some someplace) that curly fries are overblown.
- The preeminent physicist Robert Oppenheimer was also a great chef, though in some of his dishes he did tend to over-plutonium a bit. I’m told he made the only Beef Wellington with a half-life and his fusion cooking was absolutely devastating.
- I felt both full and empty after reading Jean-Paul Sartre’s Being and Nothingness.
- The syphilis way to get an STD is to have sex