Posts Tagged ‘rejected’

1. Ventriloquism for Dummies
2. Gas Stations and Restaurants: Are They Both Filling Stations?
3. “I’m Spending My Children’s Inheritance and They Don’t Even Know It.”
4. The Creepy Widow Who Spends Way too Much Time with Her Dog
5. Neanderthals in Our Midst: Dealing with People Who Say, “What I want to know is, why isn’t there a White History Month?”
6. Betty White’s “Let’s Keep it Clean Seniors”: The Joy of Sponge Baths, The Sorrow of Walk-in Bathtubs
   

   Farmer Dave says, “Plow thru these titles.”
   Erudite Dave says, “Plough through these titles.”

7. When I Pee Now, It Sounds Like Morse Code. Is that Bad? – Depends.
8. Psychology Today’s “Anger Management.” (Chapters Include):
   1. This is bullsh*t! I only agreed to Binding Arbitration if they decided in my favor.
   2. I Love the Disabled, But 38 Empty Handicapped Parking Spaces Next to the Costco’s Entrance Isn’t Helping Anybody
   3. I Hate Myself and It’s Your Fault
9. Marvel’s ElderHeroes: Tom Selleck and Joe Namath – Geriatric Overlords
10. Trolling for Dates at Butcher Shops: Are they meat markets or meet markets? Do you want your beef tender or Tinder?
11. Don’t Overthink It: When the alarm goes off, it’s just a morning wake-up call. Not a life-changing WAKE-UP call.
12. Coping with Coping Saws
13. I Just Know My Dog Thinks I’m Fat: What to do when Fido gets all judgey
14. Model Homes Mischief. (Chapters include):
    1. Tour with a “partner” and become a member of the Walk-in Closet, Mile High Club.
    2. Unbolt the Master Bath Toilet Lid and Toss in a Couple of unwrapped Baby Ruths
    3. Tape a body outline on the laundry room linoleum floor. Add yellow “crime scene” tape and ketchup for a ghoulish flourish.
15. Coming to Terms with the Q in LGBTQ. (Chapters include):
    1. What to do when your 8-year old son Lane says, “But dad, I like playing with dolls.”
    2. What to do when your 18-year old son Lane says, “But dad, these gender identity issues just won’t go away.”
    3. What to do when your 19-year old daughter Lanie says, “Hey dad, these gender identity issues have finally gone away.”
16. Whirlpool’s How to Get Your Dishwasher Loaded. (Chapters include):
    1. Binge-washing with 90-proof Cascade
    2. Adding gin to the soap dispenser, vermouth to the rinse reservoir, and sticking a couple of olives on toothpicks in the silverware basket
17. Inconvenient Truths: There is such a thing as “New Car Smell,” but there’s no such thing as “New Bus Smell.”
18. People, It’s Time to Stop Grieving: The Beatles are not getting back together…At least not in this world
19. Don’t Worry, It’s Just Peanut Butter.
20. Is There Such Thing as New Train Smell? If Amtrak ever orders one, we may find out.
21. Learning to Pass Time in Creative and Healthy Ways By Writing Lists of Rejected Books and Rambling On and On About How we’re All Absolutely Connected, But Just Don’t Realize It Right Now. Maybe Soon Though Because That’s the Way It Is. Peace and Love, Ringo

I can’t believe book #20 would be rejected. I’d read that. Sounds like a real page turner. BTW, my Literary Agent’s name is Paige Turner.

That is all.

1. 

   “I can’t come over tonight. I have mono, Polly.”

   Chernobyl Monopoly – Only board game that has a half-life. When parents got wind of this radioactive edition they had a meltdown.

2. Titanic Monopoly – This version was a disaster. (Thanks for groaning)
3. Beatles Monopoly – This one was actually Fab! So many great places to land on: Abbey Road, Penny Lane, Strawberry Fields. Favorite game piece? – You guessed it: the Yellow Submarine.
4. Garden of Eden Monopoly – This version was tempting. Very, very tempting. In the end everyone is thrown out of the Garden just for having a little fun. It made no sense then. It makes no sense now.  
5. BLM Monopoly – Not the BLM you think. This BLM (the Bureau of Land Management) thought it might be fun to supervise federal lands on a Monopoly board. Fail. It was a bored game.
6. NRA Monopoly – Again, not what you think. The other NRA – the National Restaurant Association – created this game, but diners had their reservations about it.
7. Native American Monopoly – People also had their reservations about this game too. Indian reservations. The Indian game pieces were outnumbered by the cavalry game pieces 4 to 1. Game always ends with the Indian pieces being forcibly moved to one little reservation between Indiana and Kentucky Avenues. This left nothing to Chance.
8. Hurricanopoly – This version just blew. And blew and blew and blew.
9. Hooveropoly – Unlike Hurricanopoly, this version sucked
10. Napoleon Blownaparte – This is what happened when Napoleon sat on a bomb? (I know. Not a Monopoly game, but all Monopoly and no Napoleon makes David a dull boy…OK a duller boy)
11. Bibleopoly – Just like the real Bible, the instructions are so domineering (Thou shalt not Pass Go, Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s thimble) that people didn’t like being told how to behave.
12. Palindrome Monopoly – Too unstructured. Players could move forward or backwards. And of course everybody wanted to be the racecar because racecar spelled backwards is still racecar.
13. Eastern Standard Time Monopoly – Creators of this version marketed it with the tagline: “Play Monopoly like it’s whatever time it is in New York City in winter.” Oooh, pinch me. A Greenwich Mean Time Version was no more exciting.
14. Pornopoly – Why did the instructions say Pornopoly should only be played on Wednesdays?
15. Polly-wanna-opoly – This game was for the birds.
16. Homeopathy – Not a board game at all, but a natural healing method of caring for one’s self. And do take the time to care for yourself – everyone. Happy Thanksgiving.