Posts Tagged ‘washington’

Forefathers: They’re Just Like Us

George Washington: austere, exemplary and horny as hell. George Washington: austere, exemplary and horny as hell.

Would you believe George Washington slipped his new bride the aphrodisiac Spanish Fly or that he had a porno stash that would make Hugh Hefner blush? Well just like George Washington couldn’t tell a lie, neither can I because everything I’ve written is true. Yes, the Father of our Country was not only an intrepid patriot, but he was also a gentleman horndog. Let me explain. George Washington’s gallant passions are all spelled out in decidedly non-lurid fashion in Ron Chernow’s book entitled Washington. Upon marrying that plump little vixen Martha (the richest widow in Virginia) in 1759, George Washington took the same derring-do he brought to the battlefield, to the bedroom. For example, George Washington braved great risk in conquering the fleshy desires of his new bride with the aphrodisiac Spanish Fly because, at that time, colonial Virginia was a No Fly Zone.   Read the rest of this entry »

Travel Guide to Washington DC (for my niece Maria)

 

Prehistoric DC. Virginia eventually reclaimed its unused gift. Early DC. Virginia eventually reclaimed its unused gift west of the Potomac.

Dear Maria,

Good evening and hello. We’ll just assume it’s evening. It reads better that way. It appears your next adventure in this journey we call “life” remands you to the District of Columbia (originally a 10 mile square tilted cube until 1846 when Virginia retroceded its portion back into the state leaving Maryland’s cession as the location of present day DC.). You are both fortunate and burdened to have your intellectual capacities exercised to the degreee they will be in DC (The extra e in degreee was intentional, although it serves no purpose, in much the same way long parenthetical entries are more confusing than enlightening – agreed? Agreed!). Yes Maria, your lot in life will soon revolve around DuPont Circle (formerly DuPont Square, but numerous revolutions have rounded its corners rendering it DuPont Circle). Read the rest of this entry »