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How the World Would Be Different If All Cities Were Name Stuttgart

  1. Walla Walla, Washington now Stuttgart Stuttgart, Washington
  2. Shakespeare’s birthplace now Stuttgart-upon-Avon
  3. Muslims would now make their annual pilgrimage to Stuttgart.
  4. Plane ticketing would be very tricky, but at least you’d never land in the wrong city
  5. More conversations would sound like this:

Where you from?

Stuttgart.

Really! Me too.

  1. Truth or Consequences, NM now Stuttgart or Stuttgarts, NM
  2. Bombay, India now Mumstuttgart, India
  3. The Sinatra hit New York, New York now New Stuttgart, New Stuttgart
  4. Conversation:

So where have you lived?

Well I was born in Stuttgart, but I was an Army brat so we pretty much moved from Stuttgart to Stuttgart

  1. Conversation:

We honeymooned in Stuttgart Falls.

Oh, it’s beautiful there. That’s near Stuttgart isn’t it?

No, you’re thinking of the one on the Canadian side.

     10. A Gambler’s Complaint:

I’m so pissed off about the World Series. I can’t believe Stuttgart beat Stuttgart. I mean Stuttgart had all the players and yet Stuttgart still won. I hate Stuttgart.

      11. Reworked city of Rome phrases:

Well, Stuttgart wasn’t built in a day

When in Stuttgart do as the Stuttgartans do

All roads lead to Stuttgart

       12. And finally, Fairbanks, Alaska would still be a miserably cold place to live in

“Hello Cruel World”

Tesla was right

The eerie glow of this helical fluorescent light bulb has nothing to do with story on left.

 It is with the lightest of hearts and sunniest of dispositions I must inform you of the drastic decision I’ve reached – I’m going to take my life. I’ve made my decision and no one can stop me. I’m going to take my life…..To a new level! Yes dear, I’ll stop at nothing to burst the chains of ego and dissolve back into my source code. I don’t need me anymore. No one needs such extravagant manifestation, so I’m going back to where it all began. By the time you read this letter I’ll already be cosmically conscious and will only answer to the name Yaweh. Please recognize that in my zeal for personal extinguishment and collective enlightenment I’ll stop at nothing to render myself indistinguishable from God. Although I may have nothing to lose but my chains, I’m no cosmic commie. Rather, I commit myself to subordination in order to transcend the supposed station I’ve arrived at and to zero myself out as a karma producing entity.

Right now I’m a stinking little karma factory – and this olfactory reeks to high heaven. I’m done with it. So I’m temporarily leaving this world to merge with the indescribable stratocumulus standing lenticular forms that birthed me. Incidentally dear, on a less grandiose note, you may now rearrange our NetFlix cue, though for the life of me I don’t know why you’d want to watch ‘Finnegan, Begin Again.’ See you on the other side sweetie. Wear a tie so I‘ll know you.”

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