Wills of Note

Over the course of time there has been a need to stipulate the manner in which a future deceased person (the soon dead) shall distribute their worldly possessions. It has not been without its peculiarities. Here is a sample of some of the more unique bequests directed by individual estates:

  1. Little Miss Muffet – Left her tuffet to Mother Goose and all her curds to the spider. At the reading of the Will, the spider was puzzled by receiving only the curds and complained to the lawyer, “No way?” To which the lawyer responded, “Whey.”
  2. Jerry Mathers – He says he’s going to Leave It to Beaver
  3. Earth – Is leaving everything to the Meek. I guess the meek really shall inherit the earth.
  4. Kim Kardashian – She recently amended her Will. Instead of leaving it all to posterity, she’s leaving it all to her posterior. What an ass.
  5. Mother Teresa – Saintly MT, having so generously given it all away before her death, she had nothing left to give and hence no Will
  6. Kermit the Frog – He leaves his single-family lily pad to Miss Piggy. She’s in Hog Heaven now and consequently unable to accept.

    Me and yet another of my imaginary friends.

  7. All Deciduous Trees – They leave their leaves to the Mulch God, I beleaf.
  8. Dolly Parton – She’s leaving them to the Dollywood Orphanage. If for whatever reason they can’t accept them, they go to the Make-a-Wish Foundation.
  9. Will-denier Robert F Kennedy Jr. said he doesn’t see a way he’ll ever have a Will. He then recanted when reminded that, “Where there’s a Will, there’s a way.”
  10. Paul McCartney – He’s not making a Will. He’s just going to Let It Be.
  11. Shirley MacLaine – The reincarnation lady left her entire estate to unborn Frieda Allsworth’s embryo, whose fetus she’s planning to inhabit in utero in her next lifetime. Careful Shirl. I hear the IRS is watching this one.
  12. George Will – Left his Will to posterity. He’s now known simply as George.
  13. Zombies – Because they’re Undead they need an UnWill in case they’re feeling Unwell.
  14. The Alphabet – When it dies it’s planning on leaving everything to New Times Roman – at least from the letters I’ve seen.
  15. Will Ferrell – Same as George Will. He’s leaving his Will to posterity and henceforth will become just plain feral.
  16. Fannie Farmer – Fannie left her entire fortune of $100 million to her niece Candy, under the stipulation that Candy was to be presented it in an assortment of 1000 heart-shaped boxes with the money filling the 32 little ruffled cups inside.

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