Archive for October, 2022

Imagine a world where every person, place or thing is named Ebenezer:

 

1. Prince would become, the artist formerly known as Ebenezer
2. Jeopardy questions suddenly a whole lot easier
3. Determining sexual consent might be a problem: “Would you mind if I kissed you on the Ebenezer?”
4. Wouldn’t have to worry about mispronouncing the city of Yuzhnoukrainsk in Mykolaiv Oblast…or any city in any Oblast
5. Dinner parties would be tricky: “Would you please pass the Ebenezer”
6. Hey Jude becomes Hey Ebenezer
7. The horse that guy rode through the desert on that he thought had no name…Ebenezer
8. The answer to the song’s question Say my name, Say my name…Ebenezer
9. Chuck Norris… Still Chuck Norris
10. In Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol” Tiny Tim would become Tiny Ebenezer
11. The phrase “We can’t cater to every Tom Dick and Harry,” becomes ”We can’t cater to every Ebenezer Ebenezer and Ebenezer.”
12. Bjórk…Ebénézér
13. Wasted away again in Ebenezerville
14. That Paul Simon song “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover” would have to be seriously reworked.
15. Consumer reports would always recommend Ebenezer brand
16. While lovemaking, you could never yell out the wrong name
17. All anonymous sources would be named Ebenezer
18. GPS would be impossible. Unless of course you were going to Ebenezer.

The point is we’d all be Scrooged.

 

1. State Flower – The Orange Traffic Cone
2. State Flour – Durum Semolina
3. Number of Museums Dedicated to Rock & Roll – 1
4. Number of Museums Dedicated to the Partridge Family – 0
5. Scariest Lake – Lake Eerie
6. State Joke: Q. What do young Stags see out of? A. Buckeyes.
7. State Electrical Unit – The Ohm
8. State Chanting Unit – The Om
9. City That is Most Thanked – Cleveland. As in “Thank you Cleveland! You’ve been great.”
10. State Fly – The Zipper
11. State Zipper – The Fly
12. State Bird – Roadrunner (Yes, the one the Coyote is after)
13. State Fragrance – Kumquat Spice
14. State Flag – Pennant-shaped. Technically a “burgee” shape. Flag has 17 stars because it was the 17th state when admitted in 1803
15. State Candy – M&M
16. State Rapper – Also Eminem
17. State Motto – Ohio: First in Lubrication
18. State Cannabis Motto – “Ohhh, High, Ohhh”
19. State Capitol – Ɏ (This is the symbol for the state capitol formerly known as Columbus, who’s not too popular these days)

 

 

Ohio is still annoyed by those little Dayton bicycle makers – the Wright Bros. – who had to go all the way to Kitty Hawk, NC for the world’s first flight. What, they couldn’t spend those 11 seconds on the shores of Lake Erie?

 

Q: What state is Ohio in?

A: Ohio is a state.

Q:  I mean what state…is Ohio in?

A: Oh, you mean like flux or ignorance.

1. Yeah.
2. Well I’d say Ohio was in a state of Denali.
3. You mean denial.
4. No. Denali. They want to be Mt McKinley, but they’re about 18,000 ft short.