Private email between Cleveland’s front office and Politically Correct Consultants LLC was intercepted and is presented below:
Dear Cleveland Indigenous Peoples’ Baseball Team,
As per our $2 million contract to provide you with a comprehensive list of appealing, yet inoffensive nicknames for the team, we’ve listed below prospective cognomens you should consider. And precisely because you’re paying us $2 million we used the word cognomens instead of the more appropriate word nicknames.
Before each nickname below, please say to yourself: “The Cleveland <insert nickname>”.
- Cuticles – Where all the games are nail biters
- Make the Indians Great Again – We know. It has the words “Indians” in it, but it’s appeal to a certain group is undeniable. We see MIGA hats everywhere.
- Eeries – The scary mistake by the lake
- COVIDS – We think it’s an infectious little nickname. Too soon? Let’s find out.
- Grovers – They hope to win 2 non-consecutive championships
- Plain Dealers – Sponsored by the local newspaper. BTW, a newspaper is that big papery thing with print on it.
- The Baseball Team Formerly Known as the Cleveland Indians – And we’ll use Prince’s symbol in place of “Indians”
- Savages – Not Indian savages. Just generic savages. Yeah that’s what we’ll tell’em.
- Ohioans – A stupid name, but if Houston can be the Texans, then why not the Cleveland Ohioans. Up next: The Red Sox become the Boston Massachusettsans
- Quid Pro Quos – Give as good as you get. For every run you score, you’ll surrender one in return.
- Indianans – Wrong state, but we could kinda sneak in the Native American flavor while maintaining plausible deniability
- Not-so-Cavaliers – They take things more seriously than their NBA brothers
- We Honor All Primates No Matter How Much More Advanced We Are Than They Are – A little wordy, but sure to receive the approbation of the Animal Kingdom
Should you have any questions or comments we’re available for video conferencing on ZOOM or CAUGHTMASTURBATING
All Seriousness Aside,
Politically Correct Consultants LLC