favorite | davidhardiman.com

Posts Tagged ‘favorite’

Soup’s On…Least Favorite Soups

  1. New England Damn Chowder – Favorite soup of Tourette sufferers
  2. Cyrillic Alphabet Soup – It’s Greek to me
  3. Split Bee – It hear it gives you a buzz
  4. Chicken Poodle Soup – Made only from poodles who were euthanized
  5. Vicious-soise – A stone cold soup made from really mean potatoes
  6. Gaznacho – Another cold soup of congealed cheese and tomato
  7. Maxistrone – When minestrone just isn’t enough
  8. Italian Wedding Soup/Italian Divorce Soup – These soups have you coming and going
  9. Dense Onion Soup – It’s a French Onion Soup, you just can’t get through to
  10. Me So Soup – This soup is all about you. Also called Narcissisoup.
  11. No Alarm Chili – Chili for white folk
  12. Lobster Disc – A hard shell, hard drive programmable bisque

Least Visited Museums and Halls of Fame

  1. Anyone can curate a sanely organized museum. It takes someone with a really tilted uterus (or whatever the male equivalent is) to curate one of these more avant garde museums. 

    Ripley’s Believe It Museum – A trove of mundane accomplishments from the world of the ordinary. It features a telephone in the shape of a telephone, someone walking and chewing gum and a vacuum that absolutely sucks.

  2. Museum of Vincent Van Gogh’s Severed Ear – As you might imagine, it’s an eerie experience. At least from what I hear. The great impressionist’s cartilage may or may not be the genuine article, but it gives the impression it’s Van Gogh’s ear. Most feel it’s a prosthetic experience – both the museum and the ear.
  3. Museum of Weight Loss – It went belly up.
  4. Hall of Interminable Robocalls – This is that special place in hell everyone refers to. Convicted masterminds of robocalls are sentenced there to an eternity where they are interminably intruded upon. The convicts also time share listening to timeshare presentations.
  5. Halfway House for Fullbacks – Construction delays left the halfway house halfway built so it could only house quarterbacks
  6. Museum of All the Arms, Legs and Noses that Have Been Knocked-Off Statues – This museum of disembodied appendages never caught the public’s imagination. Museums of torsos and heads are far more popular. Anything else is just a knock-off.
  7. Tribute Band Hall of Fame – (Speaking of knock-offs) People didn’t want to pay hard-earned money to see rock paraphernalia from imitation bands. Tribute bands like Nearvana, Led Dirigible, Firearms-n-Flowers, Magenta Floyd, Band Hailin’, Gratified to be Deceased and The Ned Parsons Project just didn’t generate the interest when compared to the real article. Visitors said it was like watching copycat paint dry.
  8. Font Museum – I didn’t like it – wasn’t my type.
  9. International Museum of Pancakes –They’re all here: Johnny Cakes, Hoe Cakes, Flap Jacks and Griddle Orbs. All are beautifully preserved in amber urethane. See the pancake that Wolfman Jack was eating when his breakfast was interrupted by Edgar Winter. The Museum has been criticized for trying to stay relevant by co-opting the “no 2 snowflakes are alike” thing and applying it to pancakes. Well it turns out people don’t care if “no 2 pancakes are alike.” They care more about fluffiness, stackability and syrup absorption.

Read the rest of this entry »