Posts Tagged ‘jesus’

The Education of James of Nazareth

The Christ boys: Jesus and James. Jesus displaying enlightened gospel. James clutching his rolled up report card. The Christ boys: Jesus and James. Jesus displaying enlightened gospel. James hiding his rolled up report card.

James of Nazareth was the little known and far less celebrated brother of Jesus of Nazareth. As you might imagine, growing up in the shadow of the Christ child was not an easy thing to do. When your brother is the Son of God it’s hard to have a sibling rivalry. How do you compete?

James:           Mom here’s an ashtray I made at school.

Mom:              That’s very good James.

                        Vs.

Jesus:            Mom here’s an alternative universe of indescribable joy.

Mom:              Thank you Jesus!

 

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Impregnable Logic

New evidence indicates the Virgin Mary was refused service at the Inn because she was a Jew.

The Immaculate Conception may be the most mysterious explanation a wife ever gave a husband for carrying someone else’s baby. But when God comes-a-knockin’, what are you supposed to say, “Not tonight Lord, I’m shampooing.” His will be done. If he can make the the Mississippi River and the Rocky Mountains, he can certainly make this serenely humble peasant from Nazareth. To those who dismissively say, “The Immaculate Conception is inconceivable,” I say go choke on your contradiction in terms. I mean you’ll doubt the Immaculate Conception, but you’ll fully embrace Pringle’s and OctoMom. What is wrong with you people?

Let the skeptics chortle in smug elitism at the improbability of the Immaculate Conception. My truth is in possessing a strong affinity for Nativity scenes. I’m drawn to them like a vegaholic to a salad bar. I’ve always been this way. Maybe it’s because I was born in a Bingo Parlor. Maybe it’s because my favorite hat is a crown of thorns. But for whatever reason, frankincense and myrrh were at the top of my Christmas list. Mom never new quite what to do with them so for about a month after Christmas she’d make us frankincense and myrrh sandwiches for our school lunches or F&Ms as we called them. My attraction to mangers is so compelling that to this day I sleep on a bed of straw. It’s very transformative. In fact I used to sleep in a chilly barn, but mother made me stop because I kept waking up a little hoarse. Read the rest of this entry »