Posts Tagged ‘lines’

1. The truth I can handle. Your breath is another story.
2. Houston, we have a polyp.
3. Now do you understand why there’s a Sawzall on my nightstand?
4. If they make Ferris Bueller’s Day Off 2 ” Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and do laundry once in a while, you could run out of pants.”
5. Doggone it! If you can’t lend me a hand, then how about a paw?
6. But I don’t need a third nostril.
7. If they make The Wizard of Oz in Alaska: “There’s no place like Nome. There’s no place like Nome.”
8. Now you’re telling me we’re out of toilet paper? It’s too late.
9. You’re an *sshole because every time we talk you manage to work in the word “rawdogging.”
10. Abner! Get away from that teat now. That milk is for baby ocelots, not for you.
11. You had me at, “I’m a millionaire.”

1. Let’s play “Dentist” and I’ll fill your cavities
2. Jesus may have died for your sins, but right now I’m dying for them.
3. I’d really like you to activate my streaming service
4. I like the way your teeth come together. Maybe we could too.
5. If I said you had a tipped pelvis, would you hold it against me?
6. As a matter of fact I am a gynecologist and I’m at your cervix madam
7. I bet I know your favorite number? – It’s Novocain. {Get it…numb-er}

How do you buy an imaginary line? With Monopoly money?

Fund-Raising Effort Blurs Already Murky Distinction Between the Imaginary and the Real

In an effort to raise critically needed cash for its numerous outreach programs, the United Nations has begun selling the naming rights to the Earth’s Imaginary Lines. Despite earlier assurances from UN Secretary General Antonio Gutteres that these well-known imaginary lines were not for sale, corporations are now offering untold billions – $378 billion at last count – to secure sponsorship to some of the most illustrious imaginary lines ever not actually in existence. Of course now that I’ve told you the exact amount of money corporations have paid, the untold billions are now “told billions.”

The Secretary General has emphatically maintained that, “The United Nations is a global exemplar of trust and integrity, and as such, any attempt at prostituting this institution for short term profit is where I draw the line.” However it was an imaginary line and it sold for over $4 billion to a lobbyist from Dubai. And now it’s like a Middle Eastern bazaar in the General Assembly as corporations lustily haggle over the price of all sorts of imaginary lines including the one separating North Korea from reality. Read the rest of this entry »