Archive for the ‘Ditties’ Category

If at the dawn of aviation, cabin crew members were originally called flight attendants instead of stewardesses, the term flight attendant would be viewed as a derogatory term. Yet in a twist of semantics the reverse has happened today whereby the job descriptor stewardess is somehow seen as defamatory and the term flight attendant is viewed as some kind of heroic euphemism, riding in to save the poor stewardesses from belittling job title infamy.

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I do not view the term stewardess as throwing shade at our airborne cabin crew – far from it. I believe the term flight attendant is more derogatory than stewardess. And I further contend that had cabin crew members been called flight attendants originally, there would be a backlash against this disparaging term. I could foresee an anti-flight attendant notion growing in the public mind along these lines; as in, “Oh, so you’re saying these vital members of the cabin crew merely “attend” to things on a flight. Well, how dismissive and demeaning is that?”

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I also speculate that over time, the clamor to alter the demeaning term flight attendant would become loud enough that a public consensus might arise whereby people would agree that we should convey appropriate status on these critical airborne workers. They do much more than merely “attend” to matters of flight. In fact, they superintend and oversee matters vital to the smooth running of a flight 8 miles high at 450 kts. These aren’t hall monitors. They are stewards of air safety, communication and service. They manage the front of the house while pilots manage the back of the house. Yes, aviation can sometimes be compared to a high-flying restaurant and if you’ve ever had the Hummus Snack Tray over Salt Lake City, you know what I’m talking about.

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But what should the flight attendants’ new job title be? Perhaps we should elevate their station by calling them stewardesses and stewards. To me the term “stewardess” better reflects their lofty status and is more respectful than calling them mere “flight attendants.” To me, the job title “flight attendant” is one step removed from “bathroom attendant.” Whereas the job title of steward or stewardess has a more noble cachet, as in: “George Washington was a worthy steward of our nation’s ideals.”

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Of course, as mentioned above, we all understand that when it comes to these aviation job titles, the exact opposite occurred. The supposedly insulting job descriptor “stewardess” has been eschewed and replaced with today’s preferred term “flight attendant.” Even while writing this piece, Microsoft Word kept suggesting I substitute flight attendant where I had used the word stewardess. Clearly, they know which way the semantic winds blow.

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And so, it is for numerous incongruous instances like the one elucidated above, that children think adults are cray cray and shouldn’t really be in charge of anything, let alone making job title rules. Allow me to take a moment to cite some other reasons why kids think adults are cray cray:

• Obviously, there is only one consciousness we all share, but adults have decided to express it in over 10,000 religions…and not one of them wants you to have any fun…except Disney, and they aren’t even tax exempt.
• Everyone agrees that Shakespeare’s plays are magnificent theatrical treasures, but few, if any adults, are actually willing to sit through one. What does that say to Jonas and Kylie?
• Kids also don’t understand why they must learn algebra when they’ll never have to use it…come to think of it, adults think the same thing…so why are we learning it?

I’m a distracted writer who has derailed his own story with talk of kids’ impressions of adult foibles. So let me get back on track here by reiterating that it is a peculiar twist of semantic fate that the term flight attendant has replaced stewardess as the preferred term in referring to a cabin crew member, when it just as easily could’ve been the other way around, if only they were originally called flight attendants.

 

 

 

 

1. Here are some of my favorite numbers:
Novocain, Lidocaine…
Before you continue, you should know the “b” in numbers is silent.

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2.  There are no recorded cases of Siamese twins playing Hide and Seek.
Or if there was, the game was over really fast.

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3.   Remember the Fonts from Happy Days?
He was a really cool type.

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4. A E
IOU
And sometimes.
Why?

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5. July is Leaf Blower Awareness month. So is Aug, Sept, Oct…

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I dislike dyslexics. I dislike lichens.
I like relinquishing licorice. I like relishing liquor.
However clever, I can’t stand to sit.

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All part of my “If You’re Not Going to Think About It, I Will” series

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Do you think the actor Treat Williams’s parents looked at their newborn son and thought, “Should we call him John or Treat? Hmmm. Let’s go with Treat?”

And the name served him well except for Halloween, when he’d get all tongue-tied at the door and say, “Trick or Me.”

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A band of Spaniards had come all the way from La Mancha to seek out the young Jesus, who was then ministering in Galilee. Over hill and dale they searched for the Messiah.
Spotting the Lord and his entourage walking in the distance, their leader beckoned to him:

The Man of La Mancha: Hey Zeus! Hey Zeus! Is that you?

Jesus and his apostles stopped and addressed the yearning acolytes. Peter gently corrected the man of La Mancha, “My friend, that is not Zeus. It’s Jesus. He is God, but he’s far from the Greek mythological God you’re confusing him with. Your group must be from Athens.

The Man of La Mancha: No sir. We’re from Spain and I know that’s Hey Zeus.

Peter: Hey Zeus? Oh, you mean Jesus. I get it. You speak Spanish and pronounce Jesus as Hey Zeus with a J that sounds like an H. Got it. Hey, be careful with that. I mean don’t go calling St. Joe, St. Hoe.

Just finished watching the Mormon version of The Bachelor. Wow!
He narrowed it down to 4 women, and then married all of them.